[Brian Morris]

Hey, all those people are essentially asking you to work for no pay.

You’re a professional worker. You’ve spent a lifetime learning what you know. You’ve paid a lot of money on your own education, building your reservoir of knowledge and experience.

People pay to consult with you; to benefit from your wisdom.

Why should someone expect to gain access to your mountain of knowledge without paying for the privilege?

So, before you say “Sure”, think about this for a moment.

There is an EGO BOOST for you when someone asks “Can I pick your brain”. But is your self-esteem so low you need a boost? Probably not.

If the person asking is family or friend, say “Sure” because that’s what we do to support our families and friends.

Now remember, when you put your groceries on the counter at the shop THEY ASK YOU FOR MONEY. They don’t ask how many free consultations you did.

Think about how you’ll answer that question “Can I pick your brain?”

Your lawyer charges by the minute for his/her advice.

Your doctor charges per consultation or dispensing advice.

As a professional you should charge a fair fee for your advice.

Today you establish a strategy.

For family and friends: “Sure, but I’d like to manage this discussion so you get some value from talking with me. Is that OK with you?” Then you ask the person to describe their main problem in one sentence. ONE SENTENCE. That stops the waffle. You’re forcing them to think. Often they already know what they need to know.

For everyone else: “Sure. Would you like to make an appointment? Then I can give you my full attention.” That reminds them that you earn your living by sharing your knowledge. Don’t exchange it for a $4 coffee.

I’m not suggesting you be rude or selfish. I’m suggesting you work out a strategy for yourself so you can be prepared. I hope this helps.

[Contact NZIBS]

Brian is right. I would like to share my personal story about how friends, family and acquaintances (and even business mentors) can potentially sink you by asking for free favours. The sentence I have just written might shock you, but like our Principal, I don’t mean you should be rude to your friends or change your naturally positive, happy or sharing personality for one of pure selfishness.

Here’s what happened to me. I worked for a government department for 10 years. I collaborated with many people from all walks of life across the country. Some stayed in touch, some didn’t. Life went on. I made some good friends. In 2012, right before I quit, I noticed a sudden increase in correspondence when word got out that I was training with NZIBS to become an editor. Everyone wanted to know me.

I set my boundaries early. I decided to help immediate family with their written work for free, because my partner is dyslexic but uncannily clever. He needs my help, as does his brother and a couple of other close family members.

I decided to charge everyone else. Since then, I have added up the number of friends and acquaintances who have wanted me to edit something for free. The total comes to 71. The dollar value? I can’t say, because I turned every last one of them down. Politely. But if you think that all of those jobs could have averaged $250 each, then you’d have a whopping $17,750 shortfall. I can guarantee you, not one of those people asking for the favour would have fronted up at the cashier in New World if my card had declined.

The first time I turned a friend down, I felt terrible. Really guilty. And she didn’t take it well. It was hard, because I wanted to help her and I knew she was having a hard time finding a job. I finally had to ask her if she would come and see me at my property (a 500 km round trip) and spray all my weeds for free, because that was what she did for a living. Begrudgingly, she accepted my argument. A year later, she asked me to do her CV. She paid me. And she landed an interview. A few others came forward with cash, too.

So, do support your friends and family. But also remember, you have talents, experience and training. Set your limits now, before you set a precedent by giving away too much. Your boundaries may well be different from others’. That’s OK. Just be sure you have the boundaries clear in your head, because you will be asked for freebies.